This feeling started around a couple years ago when my mom started to struggle paying the bills. I’ve witnessed her on multiple occasions righting checks at the kitchen table and mumbling to herself about how high the bill is and such. Whenever I saw things like this I would feel like bursting into tears because I know it’s because of me. It’s because I’m so goddamn expensive. I wish she didn’t have to pay for my school supplies or new clothes or my college tuition. She struggles enough as is.
I hate how I’m just an added expense in her life and I know she’d be a hell of a lot happier if I wasn’t here at all. If you asked her she wouldn’t admit it, but I know there’s a subconscious part of her brain who despises me and what I do to her. It’s because of this that I, sometimes late at night, fantasize about killing my self and how I would go about it. But it’s then that I realize that she’d have to pay for my funeral and that she wouldn’t be able to afford it. I’m a burden when I’m alive and a burden when I’m dead. I hate existing and how I weigh down everyone around me. Is it normal to feel like this cause right now I feel so alone.
submitted by /u/throwawaythrowawa67